What I Had for Breakfast: Gourmet Gruel

Here are three simple pieces of advice for turning that, "I'm so bored, please kill me," bowl of oatmeal, into something special.

First, use "steel-cut" oatmeal instead of those rolled oats. The difference between steel-cut and regular oatmeal is like the difference between a walk on the beach, and standing in line at the DMV. The superior texture and taste of steel-cut, with basically the same cooking time, makes this a must-try.

Second, find some grade "B" maple syrup. To me it tastes more maple-y than the standard supermarket grade "A." I get mine at Trader Joes, but you should be able to find it somewhere close. I had heard it was better tasting long ago, but never bothered to try it until recently. I'll never get those wasted years back.

Finally, put some real, unsalted, sweet, creamy butter on top. The thin slice of butter you see here (only 1/2 teaspoon), slowly melting into the hot oats, mocking you with its luxurious sheen, has exactly 16 calories.

Hey dieters, why turn a delicious breakfast into prison food to save 16 calories? It doesn't make any sense. Enjoy!